Leaving, Cleaving and Becoming One

Help for men who have been called, “Momma’s Boy”. If you have ever glued two things together like wood when you repair a piece of wooden furniture you know that you must clean off both surfaces, put enough glue on them and then hold the two pieces together long enough for them to make a good connection and bond till the glue dries. If you do that and use a good glue it is very hard to separate the pieces.

In marriage in order for there to be a connection and lasting bond between husband and wife you must go through a similar process. Gen 2:23 gives us the process. I call it the N/ L/ C/ process.

Gen.2:23 And Adam said this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and
shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Part one of that process is Naming:

There is a Naming that Adam does, the husband establishes the relationship when he officially, legally declares what the relationship will be, he identifies that this woman is a part of him, and she is his missing part. Adam is the one that names her, calling her woman, (Is shah) in the original language. This is what is supposed to be happening at your wedding – you are declaring to the world that this is officially, spiritually, and legally your wife, your missing part and she is now your woman. You do this before God, your family, her family, friends, enemies and past lovers. Her father passes the responsibility of her care, nurture and protection over to you when the minister asked,”who gives this woman”. You said. “I Do” and accepted the responsibility spiritually, emotionally and legally to take care of , love and provide for her.

Marriage Questions & Answers

Practical step by step advice for questions on communication without conflict, Husbands Dealing with menopause, and setting boundaries for friends and family to protect your marriage.

Whenever I have an issue with my spouse, we can’t seem to talk about it. We start yelling at each other but neither of us are listening. How do I approach situation?

You must communicate with spouse Matthew 18:15 go to person alone
Pick a time when spouse will be in a more relaxed and positive frame of mind Eccles. 3:7 there’s a time to speak
Start conversation with endearing words honey, darling, sweetheart, baby, beloved . (Song of Solomon)
Speak in a gentle non accusatory tone giving eye contact whole time you speak Prov. 15:1 Soft answer turneth away wrath
Give spouse a praise related to the issue, “I really appreciate how you”. Prov. 16:24 Pleasant words are as a honeycomb sweet to the soul and health to the bones
Make disarming statement, ”I have no desire to hurt you in anyway”

1 Cor. 13:4 love is kind

Express a confident outcome, “I know that together we will work this out” Amos 3:3
Share your feeling truthfully using I statement (I feel , I need)
Give opportunity for response, 1 Peter 3:8 be courteous
Make mutual solution proposals negotiate best solution, Eph 5:21 submitting yourself one to another
Write it down and if mutually agreeable sign it, Hab 2:2 Write the vision
After some time come back evaluate and make adjustment

Protect Your Marriage From the Demon of Porn

One of the things the Devil tells you over and over about pornography is ‘it’s not hurting anyone’. Some folk have even thought ” this will help my marriage “, so you have wives who have introduced it into their marriage. They thought that it would help their marriage if they watch it together. Some women will allow the stripper at the bachelor party or ignore the ‘dirty’ magazines they know are under the bed, thinking-’ it won’t hurt anyone, it may even take some pressure off of me’.

The problem is, porn is a satanic seed that seems to start innocently enough, “after all I am married and the bed is undefiled”, but it takes root and ends up growing into a monster that ultimately can destroy the marriage and the man.

One of the things the Devil tells you over and over about certain sins is ‘it’s not hurting anyone’. That is one of the main things that he tells you about pornography. My husband and I have been Family Life Educators for 30 years and Pastors for 11 ,we have watched the spirit of pornography destroy marriages.

Bitterness: Love’s Quiet Killer

Bitterness can kill your marriage – Hebrews 12:15 Look diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God: lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. (KJV)

The Bible talks about bitterness as a root, specifically an acrid, bitter poisonous root.Bitterness is a love killer, it is so important that we learn to talk about our feelings so we don’t bury them. Hurt that is not dealt with becomes bitterness. Couples cannot afford to let a lot of unresolved feelings pile up. The Word tells us do not let the sun go down on our wrath. Deal with issues, you won’t sleep well when you are angry anyway.

Here are some characteristics of bitterness; it has stages beginning with milder feelings of irritability, if not dealt with it moves to resentment, indignation and then anger from that you will develop feelings of hatred, then evil imaginations and finally cold indifference . This is often the point where couples no longer care and divorce is usually not far behind.

Here are some of the causes of bitterness ; 1) hurt, 2) offenses (Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. 3) Fornication and sexual sins (Proverbs 5:4 describes the end of the life of a woman who lived a life of sexual sins -”her end is bitter as wormwood” 4) Being profane, godless, and sacrilegious like Esau who was bitter because of all he lost (Hebrews 12: 16,17) and finally 5) Unforgiveness.

Verse Verse 15 in Hebrews 12 shows us the process that bitterness develops… Look diligently lest… 1.) You fail of the grace of God (Fall back and fail to receive His grace) 2.) Roots of resentment and bitterness shoot up. 3.) If not rooted out, it causes you trouble and torment. Finally 4. ) You are contaminated and defiled.

Financial Issues in Marriage

Financial issues in marriage are one of the main areas that show up the weaknesses in the relationship. For a couple to successfully manage their finances in this day and age, a variety of skills are needed. You two need to understand male and female differences; you need strong communication skills and negotiation skills. You need a good working relationship because you must decide who will do what, what systems you will use, and, when there is a disagreement, what will be your process for making a decision and moving forward.

If you two are always in a struggle for power in the relationship, money will be one of the main tools that you will use to fight. You even need to look at how money was handled in your family and your spouse’s family; your legacies will affect you both.

Unfortunately we are always looking for a quick answer, a pill we can take, a button we can push to make everything all right. This issue is complex and layered, and you must focus on strengthening a variety of skills to improve how you manage your finances as a couple.

Start with your communication skills; make your marriage a priority; determine to focus time, money, and energy to grow and learn. Many of us don’t feel we have the time to go to a retreat or conference, we don’t have the money to buy a book or curriculum, so we push back those things until we are in crisis. Don’t wait for a crisis; take charge now. If you are in crisis, take charge now. Make a decision to start today to strengthen your relationship; if it is strong, it can get better, if it is weak, stop being negative and move towards hope. It takes time, patience, and a commitment to learn the new skills you need, but you can do it.